Cosmo Mag

Everyone knows about the infamous Cosmo magazines that have taken over generations of women. Ask anyone and they will tell you that they either think the magazine is full of great tips or is just a resource for how to's of ridiculous sex tips and ways to destroy your man's will to live. I've read the mag every once in a while throughout my life, mostly out of mere curiosity. What sex tips don't I know? Why are we trying to break men down and analyze them like they're bacteria? What fashion faux pas am I indulging in now? All legitimate questions brought about by this ONE magazine. Well, for research and curiosity means, I have read two cosmo magazines from August and October (screw September) and have gathered my notes to share the good, the bad, and the downright laughable.


We start with August. I know it's going to be interesting at the very least with Kim Kardashian on the cover surrounded by headlines such as "Sex Extras", "Guys Rate 50 Sex Moves", and "The Sexy Confidence Men Can't Resist". Maybe it's just me but I'm already starting to see a pattern. Granted, this is labeled as "The Hot Issue" but Cosmo is known for it's seeming obsession with anything sex related. 


We start (as most mags do) with a letter from the editor. Mostly she writes about strength in women and gives examples from her own life to back it up. This edition is all about having your girls give you their honest opinion about your life. "Sometimes, it pays off to ask for an outside opinion from someone with objectivity; more knowledge in a certain area, or just a new perspective". Wow, thanks for that insight. Many of us already DO that. We're known for it as a gender. That's all we do when we go to the bathroom together, when we "get together for coffee" (hint: it's never about the coffee) or when we see each other for the first time in a while.


Dwelving further, we get such articles like "What's Sexy Right Now". Most of the suggestions are more about what's "in" right now, not necessarily sexy. The only point I really have a problem with, however, is point number 3: Being Buds With Your Ex. I've no problem with people being friends with ex's. All the more power to you if you can. But how is it sexy? Usually, being sexy buds with your ex is a BAD thing! However, things get better with Kim Kardashian's interview where most of the article is the writer jizzing themselves over how awesome she is (she's not) and describing how hot she is (which, to me, she's not). I can honestly tell you that the author of this article calls Kim "the real deal" and that Kim wants to start a family asap. God help us. 


Now, this mag isn't all bad. There are some pretty good beauty and fashion tips, such as how to jazz up the most basic of your clothing, and some of the cocktails actually look really good (read: Grape Escape). Also, there's an interview with Jason Momoa (Conan the Barbarian). THAT I'm all for!
"I just know how to hold my woman. I hold her strong. I make her feel safe, and I make her feel good about being a woman."
Thank god for Jason, amiright ladies? Now, seeing as how this is becoming a helluva lot longer of a post than I anticipated, I'm going to just quote some of the little blurbs you'll find throughout both the August and October editions of Cosmo. Whether you agree with them or not, whether you think them crazy or not, you be the judge. I'm going to be a bit *ahem* busy with Momoa's interview....

• Calling him while you're masturbating, giving him a preview of the moans you're going to make later that night.
• Putting your palm over the tip of his penis and massaging just that area like it's a doorknob
• Gently biting his penis
• 4 Times You Need to Be a Tiger Girlfriend - "When you forgive a significant other too easily, he'll think there are no consequences for his bad behaviour"
• Never Lose Your Orgasm Again - Train The Dude
• Decode His Good-Bye - "...allow us to translate"
• Naught Sex Tips - A) Do It in a Teeny, Tiny Space, B) Sneak a Silent Quickie in a Crowded House
• 50 Things You Should Never Stop Doing in a Relationship - A) Grabbing his ass or biceps as he walks by, bouncing your eyebrows up and down and nodding approvingly, B) Having sex during your period, C) Flirting with the cute waiter or bartender so that he never forgets just how freaking doable you are
• Times It's Smart to Be Jealous - "Feel guilty for getting protective of your guy? Don't. Not only is it sometimes warranted, he'll appreciate that you care."
• Fake a Postsex Glow
• Size Him Up By His Hands
• What Your Body Reveals: Stinky Urine

Those are JUST some of the things that caught my eye in Cosmo. I can't tell you how many times I laughed or cringed at the content. As I said before, there are some good tips and resources offered. Some articles are even of the more serious kind (such as an article researching why more women are drinking and driving). But as soon as you find something legitimate, you run into something so ridiculous it knocks you off your feet. My personal favourite is an article about how women seem to just be either finding out about or admitting to watching porn online by themselves.


Speaking of which, I'm getting back to Jason Momoa.