I can't believe I'm already writing this.
The last few hours have been terrifying. Yes, that's right: I've only had an account on POF for a few hours and I'm already thinking about how big of a mistake I've made. Nothing could have prepared me for this. How do people voluntarily subject themselves to this sort of thing in order to find anything from a soul mate to an easy lay that you could get down at your local neighbourhood bar? It's a legitimate question!
I made my profile and I'll have you know I didn't sabotage it one bit. I was as honest as honest could be. Filled out the survey, gave all my info. Hell, I even threw in a few pictures for good measure. In my "About Me" I made a Star Wars joke, warned people that I'm "rough around the edges" and my header for my profile is "Metal Chick; Good Luck Keeping Up :)" Hey, I thought it was clever at the time and apparently it did the trick. Not even an hour had passed by and already I'd received numerous messages. No one from anyone I'd even give a second glance at on the street, mind you, but messages all the same. Oh my lord were some of them funny.
Some guys went the "What's your favourite band?" route. That's fine. That's picking something out of my interests and trying to start a conversation with me based on that. It's a good route. Or it would be for anyone willing to go down that forsaken path Mr. Needs A Dental Plan. Other men tried to be personal, tried to say how I seem to have a "real vibe" and tried to play it real smooth. Sorry black guys but I'm not into you. No offense. One guy in particular didn't even write anything. He just sent me a winky face. I can't tell you how quickly I saw my life pass before my eyes from that one, mere emoticon. Needless to say he didn't get a response either.
This went on. From guys with unibrows to guys who were old enough to be my dad, to guys who were younger than me (a no no), to one man trying to impress me with the fact that he owned his own gas station. Now, I'm not going to trample on what could have been his legitimate childhood dreams in owning a gas station. Everyone has dreams. I'm just not going to share that dream with an Indian guy who is about twice my age is all.
Then came Ian: the one and only guy (thus far) to message me about black metal. Pretty cool so I messaged him back about it. Took a peek at his profile and ooo...not good. 29? Uh uh. Yet I thought to myself Self, don't panic. This is for SCIENCE! Actually, no. That's what my two friends told me as I flailed about and panicked over Skype and msn to them! I listened to them, however. We chatted. He added me on msn. FOR SCIENCE! Except Ian wasn't about to give much to science. In the half hour that we talked I learned he was a casual metalhead who's a chef in Toronto and is someone who has a vinyl collection. The excitement was so much that I had to drop out of the conversation. He's such a dynamic person that I'm currently waiting for him to go offline so I can block and delete him from my msn forever.
Weather Update: Chance of sarcastic showers going to be 100% today. Bring your umbrellas because it's not going to be pretty.
This site is a joke. An absolute joke. It's more of a meat market than anything. You can literally scan through pictures, choose the ones you like best, and hope you get a reply when you message someone. If I wanted to date like that, I'd just go to a bar on a Friday night wearing nothing but a bandeau and some booty shorts. I'd get the same results as what I've seen thus far on PoF. What's scary is this is what I've experienced in only a mere few hours. I don't see how this is going to get any better. I only foresee this getting worse. Christ, I had a guy who's username is Irish Hooligan (a real winner) try to chat me up and when I refused, would actually message me his disappointment in the form of exclamations.
Thankfully, to help me through this, I have my friends. Oddly enough, friends who themselves also have or have had accounts but friends nonetheless! They've soothed me when I've felt my life at danger, calmed me when I've panicked at the thought of ex's finding my profile somehow (would it really matter if they knew the context?), reassured me in my darkest hour, reminded me that this is FOR SCIENCE! While I can't claim that this is a scientific experiment it most certainly is an experiment of some kind. Though now I can't decide if it's a social experiment or an experiment to see how long I can last in this before I break. Sort of like a virtual game of chicken except I know I'm going to lose. It's just a matter of when.
For those of you interested to see just what I did with my profile, have a peek. Tried my best to come off as not-so-crazy but who knows what crazy is these days?
Click Me!
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